First Post

I was afraid to start because I was afraid to fail.

Naming the fear always seems to help. As do encouraging parents.

My mom gave me nudges, as do all loving and fantastic moms n dads. My mom said that I have a writing gift and that I should use it.

Well, I think, She has been right before......

So, six months later, it's time to find out about myself – to Try writing.

This might never really take off. I may write just this one post and move on to different things. Or I may just forget about it. But I'm learning there is value in showing up anyway. In trying, I anticipate learning about myself and how I interact with fear, failure, and the truths that combat the lies.

I'm finding out a lot about myself these days. A friend or two encouraged me to pursue dating heavily*-- to meet new people (read: women) wherever new people are to be met, to pursue small discussion with a woman (eek!) to the point of knowing a little bit about her and her about me, and to get enough information to contact her later. They encouraged me to do this again and again. This sets me up to actually practice real life things with her. Real life things like talking. And communicating expectations. And actually talking.

I've found I don't particularly enjoy small talk. While I consider myself socially adequate, I would rather maintain an established relationship and delve into deeper matters than ham it up with just any yahoo. Yet I'm learning that I CAN talk to people.... even girls.

As I'm learning I am still confronted with fear.

Fear is not inherently rational. I know that I'm probably marriage-ish material. I know that we reap what we sow and If I want deep relationship in a marriage context, I should probably start with getting to know women. I know that God is with me, period –

Even when I know what's “right,” it's still difficult moving from “know” to “go.”

I've recently appreciated learning from God and Brene Brown on the subjects of fear and courage. In His book, God writes, “Don't be afraid, for I am with you! Don't be frightened, for I am your God!” Note that He doesn't say, “Do not fear, for I am bigger than you,” or “Do not fear, for you will never fail,” but because He is WITH US. He will never leave me nor forsake me. And for this reason, I can be courageous. This has been a great, great comfort.

Brene Brown** named her most recent book, Daring Greatly, after the Man in the Arena portion of a Teddy Roosevelt speech:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

If God and Teddy are to be believed, failure is not something to be feared – failure is not dangerous.

In dating, in blogging, in living – may we be courageous. Here's to the struggle to fight like The Man in the Arena – or in my case, as Daniel in the Lions' Den.

-Daniel

And if you're a single woman and I know you, and you find yourself reading this, and I start talking to you...... just be normal.

*Activity this free-flowing needs the structure of a few rules – concerning which Henry Cloud would love to elucidate.

**Never heard of Brene Brown? Do yourself a favor and check out her TED talks on YouTube.

What I hummed in my head during this writing:

The Distance, by Cake. The Breaker's Commission, by For Today.