I was afraid to start because I was afraid to fail.
Naming the fear always seems to help.
As do encouraging parents.
My mom gave me nudges, as do all loving
and fantastic moms n dads. My mom said that I have a writing gift
and that I should use it.
Well, I
think, She has been right before......
So,
six months later, it's time to find out about myself – to Try
writing.
This might never
really take off. I may write just this one post and move on to
different things. Or I may just forget about it. But I'm learning
there is value in showing up anyway. In trying, I anticipate
learning about myself and how I interact with fear, failure, and the
truths that combat the lies.
I'm
finding out a lot about myself these days. A friend or two
encouraged me to pursue dating heavily*-- to meet new people (read:
women) wherever new people are to be met, to pursue small discussion
with a woman (eek!) to the point of knowing a little bit about her
and her about me, and to get enough information to contact her later.
They encouraged me to do this again and again. This
sets me up to actually practice real life things with her. Real life
things like talking. And communicating expectations. And actually
talking.
I've
found I don't particularly enjoy small talk. While I consider myself
socially adequate, I would rather maintain an established
relationship and delve into deeper matters than ham it up with just
any yahoo. Yet I'm learning that I CAN talk to people.... even
girls.
As I'm
learning I am still confronted with fear.
Fear
is not inherently rational. I know that I'm probably marriage-ish
material. I know that we reap what we sow and If I want deep
relationship in a marriage context, I should probably start with
getting to know women. I know that God is with me, period –
Even
when I know what's “right,” it's still difficult moving from
“know” to “go.”
I've
recently
appreciated learning from God and Brene Brown on the subjects of fear
and courage. In His book, God writes, “Don't be afraid, for I am
with you! Don't be frightened, for I am your God!” Note that He
doesn't say, “Do not fear, for I am bigger
than you,”
or “Do not fear, for you will
never fail,”
but because He is WITH US.
He will never leave me nor forsake me. And for this reason, I can
be courageous. This has been a great, great comfort.
Brene
Brown** named her most
recent book, Daring Greatly,
after the Man in the Arena portion of a Teddy Roosevelt speech:
It
is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the
strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them
better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena,
whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives
valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there
is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually
strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great
devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best
knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the
worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his
place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know
victory nor defeat.
If God
and Teddy are to be believed, failure is not something to be feared –
failure is not dangerous.
In
dating, in blogging, in living
– may we be courageous. Here's to the struggle to fight like The
Man in the Arena – or in my case, as Daniel in the Lions' Den.
-Daniel
And if
you're a single woman and I know you, and you find yourself reading
this, and I start talking to you...... just be normal.
*Activity
this free-flowing needs the structure of a few rules – concerning
which Henry Cloud would love to elucidate.
**Never
heard of Brene Brown? Do yourself a favor and check out her TED
talks on YouTube.
What
I hummed in my head during this writing:
The
Distance, by Cake. The Breaker's Commission, by For Today.